They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We are all done wearing pants today
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
