So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
