id be glad to
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
