It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
