im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
