There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
