just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
