Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
