Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
