I love black thongs
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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