only if we run a train.
done.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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