barbara walters just said penis...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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