Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
