her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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