he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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