He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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