I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
