CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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