Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
