the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
