You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
