You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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