Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
