Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
