I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
