Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He? As in you personified your dick?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
