The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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