Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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