we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
