I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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