in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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