fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
