Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
