Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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