good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You made out with two different species that night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
