Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
