I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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