I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
