it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
