Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
