so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
