Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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