How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We just shotgunned beers for America
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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