she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
