Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
