Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
