Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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