you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
