i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
