he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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