I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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