I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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