Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
