your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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