I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
