The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
