I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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