I wish life had little blips of pornography
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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