Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
