hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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