I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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