I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
